The Grey
by TheRev28
Summary: The crew of the Normandy crash on an arctic planet that holds a dangerous and possibly deadly surprise. Completely stranded and cut off from all technology, can Shepard lead his crew to safety? A Mass Effect take on the movie The Grey.


**A/N: So this is my entry to the June writing competition over at Aria's Afterlife. The challenge was to take the characters of Mass Effect and put them in the plot of a movie. I chose to use _The Grey, _ a Liam Neeson film that came out in January of 2012. Watching the movie is not required to read the story, though it would probably help. Anywho, enough talk. Enjoy!**

**The Grey**

Coldness. That was the first thing John Shepard remembered. A biting cold that cut through his armor and chilled his very bones. He opened his eyes and gasped for breath, sitting up so he could look around. Nothing but the purest white snow surrounded him as far as the eye could see.

He quickly scrambled to his feet, finally remembering how he got here.

He had to find the others.

Off in the distance, a small pillar of black smoke stood out against the snowy surroundings. _No_, Shepard thought as he ran towards the smoke's origin. Climbing up a small embankment, he stopped dead at the sight that greeted him.

A crater. And at the center, the shattered remains of the Kodiak sat smoking. Wreckage was strewn about everywhere. Scraps of the shuttle littered the ground, the blue metal in sharp contrast to the snow. The entire scene a tableau of destruction. Shepard was almost paralyzed at the sight. Eventually, a voice broke through the mental haze.

"Shepard!" He looked down and saw the heavily muscled figure calling out to him. "C'mon, Loco, we need you! It's Cortez."

The thought of his crew in danger sent Shepard into action. He'd already failed them by letting this happen, so he'd be damned if he failed them again. He followed James through the debris to the remains of the Kodiak. Upon reaching it, Shepard realized that the entire front half was gone. The back still provided haven from the freezing winds, but it did little to ward off the frigid temperature.

The inside looked hardly better than the outside. Twisted metal stuck out at every angle, and broken glass littered every surface. And that spoke nothing of the people inside. No one went through the crash unscathed. Garrus sat on one of the benches with his helmet off, trying to stop the bleeding from a large cut on his head. Tali was next to him, wrapping a makeshift bandage across her upper arm. Purple blood was already starting to show. Ash was on the bench opposite them, cradling her left arm. Liara was sitting over a stricken looking Cortez on the rear bench.

As Shepard approached the back, he began to hear muttering.

"Too much blood. I can't lose all this blood…" That's when Shepard noticed Liara's hands pressing down on Cortez's stomach. Her white gloves had been stained red.

"Shepard, you gotta help him," James said, a certain amount of fear creeping into the soldier's voice. The commander took Liara's place over Cortez and made eye contact. He saw fear—a kind of fear Shepard knew all too well.

"Shepard, something's wrong," Cortez said, his voice trembling. "You have to help me. Something's really, _really_ wrong here. I don't feel right. I just…I don't… Shepard…" He stopped, throwing his head back and moaning in pain.

Shepard told the stricken pilot to listen, repeating that phrase until Cortez finally made eye contact again.

"Cortez, listen…" Shepard trailed off before taking a deep breath and looking Cortez straight in the eye. "You're gonna die. That's what's happening."

The pilot's eyes widened and he began looking at the others who had gathered around. A single tear ran down James' face as he looked on, unable to help his best friend.

"No no no no, wait wait wait," Cortez muttered, still looking around at the others. Meanwhile, Shepard kept repeating "It's ok" until the dying man finally calmed down.

"Keep looking at me," Shepard said once he had Cortez's attention again. "It's alright, it's alright. Keep looking at me. It's alright. It'll slide over you, and you'll start to feel warm, nice and warm. It'll move over you, it's alright. Let your thoughts go to all the good things." Shepard paused, still looking into the dying man's eyes. "Who do you love, Cortez?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

He gasped a few times, trying to make the words come out. "R-Robert. My husband…"

"Let him take you there," Shepard whispered, cupping Cortez's face in his hands.

Silence filled the shuttle as Cortez began shaking from the pain and blood loss. Finally, he stopped, still making eye contact with his commander. He mouthed the name of his long-dead husband one last time before the light finally left his eyes.

"I…I felt him go," Liara said, finally releasing Cortez's hand. Shepard slowly took the dog tags from around the pilot's neck and put them in a compartment in his armor.

"Does the Normandy know we're out here?" Shepard asked, not wanting to think about his friend dying in his arms.

"We weren't able to get a distress signal out before the blast hit us," Tali said after a moment. "The Normandy won't know anything's wrong until we don't arrive back at the base."

"So they won't even know we're missing for a few hours," Garrus said. "In this weather, we might not last that long."

"We need to build a fire," Shepard said. "If we don't, we _definitely_ won't last that long."

"What is there that's even flammable?" James asked, looking around the crash site. "Everything around here is metal."

"Well we can't just sit here and do nothing. Help won't be coming soon enough, so we need to get out of this on our own." Shepard paused and looked at the people around him. "For now, scavenge the crash site. See if we can find anything useful."

Slowly, everyone filed out of the makeshift shelter. Shepard could clearly see the toll that had been taken already, both physically and mentally: movements were slow and stiff, and there was none of the friendly banter that usually occurred when they were together.

As Shepard left the Kodiak, the howling winds once again chilled his very soul. His armor wasn't rated for extended periods in this kind of weather—no one's was. This wasn't a contingency that was planned for. If they didn't start a fire soon, they would die.

Twenty minutes later, the squad gathered back inside the shuttle. The general atmosphere among the group was somber.

"There's nothing out there that can be used to start a fire," James said, sounding frustrated.

"All the weapons got fried in the blast," Ash said. "They're nothing but fancy clubs now."

"And if you had not noticed already, our omni-tools were also disabled," Liara said. By now, everyone _had_ noticed, but admitting that it was a problem made the situation feel worse.

"I noticed a line of trees out on the horizon," Garrus said after a few moments of melancholy silence. "If we can get out there, we can make a fire and survive long enough to be rescued."

"So you wanna leave this shelter?" James asked incredulously. "I don't think so. I'm staying right here till help shows up."

"James, I can't let you do that," Shepard said, letting some authority creep into his voice. "Stay here, and—" A noise from outside cut him off: something between a growl and a snarl. Everyone recognized it immediately.

They all grabbed a gun—despite the fact that they were nothing more than clubs now—and went outside to investigate. Despite the poor visibility through the blowing snow, the team could see shapes in the distance. A pair of glowing eyes resolved itself in the distance, followed by another, then another, then a dozen more.

"Nobody move," Shepard ordered. "Stare right back at them."

For a few heart-pounding seconds, the two sides stared each other down. Eventually, the creatures backed away, disappearing into the snow.

"Was that what I think it was?" James asked.

"Yes, and _that's_ why we need to move away from here," Shepard said. "Gather whatever supplies you can. We're moving out in fifteen minutes."

The group that gathered in the Kodiak fifteen minutes later had a miasma about it. James' eyes had looked empty since Cortez's passing, and Liara seemed to suffer from having been connected to the pilot as he died. Tali gently leaned against Garrus, both trying to ignore their respective injuries. Ashley pressed closer to Shepard, trying to draw comfort from his presence. He did what he could, but he barely had enough confidence for himself. Still, he needed to put on his façade of leadership for the sake of his team.

With preparations done, the squad left the crashed shuttle and made their way out of the crater it had created. The wind out on the tundra immediately cut through everyone's armor. The blizzard obstructed vision, cutting lines of sight down to a few yards at best. The thick snow on the ground—easily reaching Shepard's knees—slowed progress to a crawl. The various injuries sustained in the crash also didn't help.

Time passed. What was only thirty minutes felt like thirty years to the Normandy crew. Liara began to fall behind. The others didn't notice. There was no warning.

"By the goddess! Help me!"

Shepard turned around and stared for a full five seconds before his brain realized what was happening. Liara was lying on the snow, thrashing around, while three varren mauled her.

"Liara!"

That single shout spurred everyone into action. They had to cover twenty feet. Just twenty feet. It was agonizing. Every step was punctuated by Liara's screams, by the varrens' snarls.

_I'm not going fast enough!_ Shepard thought as he once again lost his footing in the snow.

It took thirty seconds for the varren to run off. It took ten more for Shepard to reach Liara. It took an instant to realize the truth.

Her hand twitched, and Shepard grabbed it, hoping against hope that he was wrong.

Their minds linked. Shepard felt the last vestiges of life leave her. Inside his mind, the life of another sentient being unraveled before him, threatening to take his with it. A weaker mind would have been lost. Shepard wished he _had_ been lost. Instead, he would bear that unseen scar for the rest of his life.

The others stood in silence—occasionally broken by a sniffle from Tali—unable to fully comprehend what just happened. Slowly, Shepard took Liara's dog tags and stood up.

"There's nothing we can do," he said slowly. "We need to keep moving."

More time passed. The group made sure to stick together and keep an eye on each other. No one was getting left behind again.

They reached a point just outside of the tree line, and the relief was palpable. Everyone tapped into reserves of energy they didn't know they had and ran to the forest.

"Alright, we can take a fifteen minute break," Shepard said between deep breaths. "But after that, we need to keep moving."

"Just make sure to take a break yourself," Garrus said, sitting down. "The last thing we need is our illustrious commander—"

His words were cut off by a varren leaping onto his back. Everyone immediately grabbed a weapon and started beating the creature. All the pent up anger and aggression from Liara's death finally found an outlet, and it didn't take long for the four soldiers to kill the former predator.

"Why did only one attack?" Tali asked with a sniffle. "I thought there was a whole pack of them out there."

"Maybe it was an omega," Garrus said after Shepard helped him up. "The runt of the litter that they sent in to test us."

"Whatever the reason, it means we can't stay here," Shepard said. This was met by groans from the others and a small cough from Tali. "I know, I know, but if we stay, who knows what the varren might try next? Our only chance is to keep moving."

And so they did.

In the shelter of the forest, the snow was thankfully less deep. Any advantage this gave them was immediately cancelled by having to navigate around the trees. The varren presence remained in the form of constant snarls and growls, though the creatures kept out of sight. The threat of attack kept the team moving despite their sore bodies and weary minds.

"Those clouds don't look too good, Loco," James said as the sun was setting.

"A blizzard?" Ash asked.

"We probably don't want to take a chance with it," Shepard said, looking around the forest. "We'll need a fire and some sort of shelter if we wanna get through it."

They spent the next half hour gathering firewood and digging out hollow spaces at the bases of trees. At one point, Tali collapsed while carrying some logs.

"Tali! Are you ok?" Shepard asked, rushing over to help her.

She let out a cough before answering him. "I'll be fine, Shepard. It's just been a long day." He accepted her at face value, but that didn't stop him from keeping an eye on her.

As the last rays of sunlight fell over the frozen forest, the team settled into their makeshift shelter. It felt like years since Shepard had sat down, and he relished in getting off his feet. Ashley took her place next to him as little spoon, and he draped his arm over her protectively. Despite the armor that separated their skin, they took comfort in simply being close.

"What happens if the varren try something while we're asleep?" Ash asked with the barest quiver in her voice. Anyone else probably would have missed it, but Shepard knew her better than anyone. She was worried, and the only one allowed to see that was him.

"I don't think they'll be out during this blizzard," he said. He really hoped he was right. "Let's just try and get some sleep while we can." Shepard never even remembered closing his eyes.

He awoke some time later to the wind whipping all around him. Somehow, he managed to huddle even closer to Ash. Before attempting to fall back asleep, Shepard glanced around at the others. All of them seemed to be awake and fidgeting about except for Tali. A few minutes passed and she hadn't moved a muscle. He couldn't even see the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

With his mind still addled by exhaustion, it took Shepard a few moments to realize the ramifications of that observation. When his brain finally made the connection, he instantly scrambled over to the quarian woman.

"Tali, wake up," Shepard said, shaking her shoulder. "C'mon, Tali, wake up! Wake up!" He was screaming it now and shaking her whole body. _Not her. Not like this. Not her. Not another one. Not another one!_ "Tali! Tali! Tali!" He was pounding her chest, angry at her, angry at the varren, angry at the weather, but most of all, angry at himself.

The howling wind died in his ears, and all feeling left his body as the truth finally sunk in. Another one. Another crew member. Another _friend_. Gone… And there was nothing he could have done. Three friends had died in his arms while he sat there unable to help them—unable to save them. He was their commander, and he had let them down. They had trusted him…

_Cortez, Liara, Tali…I failed you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

The blizzard eventually ended and the sun came up, and the four remaining Normandy crew restarted the fire. They sat in silence. Twenty minutes later, the fire had burned down to embers, and the crew prepared to keep moving. Shepard's last action before leaving the makeshift camp was to remove Tali's dog tags and add them to his steadily growing collection.

No one really had a clue which direction to go, so they simply started walking. On and on they went. The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other tested their strength. It reached the point where Shepard only kept moving out of habit. He felt so lost, both physically and mentally, that he almost wished he could simply stop.

He looked ahead at Ashley, Garrus, and James, all soldiering on in the same sullen silence. In an instant, he remembered why he kept going. He did it for them. To give _them_ the hope needed to carry on. Because if they had strength, he had strength. It was a strangely self-fulfilling cycle, but it was one that had worked for years.

A noise started to intrude on Shepard's consciousness, and it took a moment for him to place it.

"Do you guys hear running water?" Garrus asked right as Shepard came to the same realization.

"That definitely sounds like a river," Shepard said, picking up the pace.

"A river might lead to civilization," Ash said. "I think we should find it and follow it."

The group agreed, and they changed course towards the sound of possible salvation. It was amazing how something so simple could imbue so much hope. Their pace quickened, and everyone stood a little straighter, more sure of the future than they had been all day.

That hope died when they finally found the source of the noise. It was indeed a river, but it was flowing almost two-hundred feet below.

"You've gotta be shitting me," James said, peering over the edge of the cliff.

"So…who's climbing down there?" Garrus asked.

"No one could make that climb," Ash said. "It'd be suicide."

"Well we can't go back," Shepard said. As if on cue, they heard the sound of varren off in the distance behind them. "There's no way we could go back." He looked around, trying to find some way to get out of this situation. Ahead of them, the forest continued, and the height of the cliff put them almost in line with the tops of the trees. A crazy plan started to form in Shepard's mind.

"Those trees, though…" he muttered, barely loud enough for the others to hear.

"What trees?" James asked.

"Them out there," Shepard said, pointing to the forest directly ahead. "Get a tether of some kind, secure it between here and there. We could climb down. The way I see it, it's the varren, or those trees."

"You're not talking about jumping off the cliff…" Garrus said.

"It's an idea. I didn't say it was a good one."

The crew shared a few long looks. None of them could see another way out of this.

Someone had to jump.

They got to work creating a makeshift cable from parts they had scavenged from the Kodiak. One end would be secured on the cliff, and the other end would be attached to whoever was making the jump. Once in the trees, they would secure that end, and the other three would shimmy across.

Eventually they decided that Garrus would be the jumper. Turians were better suited to long jumping than humans, and this was a jump that would decide the fate of four people.

"Now, you're gonna fall about thirty feet, but it'll feel like thirty-thousand," Shepard said as Garrus made his final preparations.

"You know, as pep talks go, you've given better," the turian said with a small smile.

"When we feel this go taut, we'll take up the slack to keep you from hitting too hard." He grabbed Garrus' shoulders and looked his best friend in the eyes. "Good luck, Garrus. I know you can make it." Garrus simply nodded and got into position to start his run. Shepard and the others took their places on the rope, ready to take up the slack.

Garrus offered one last prayer to the spirits and started running.

He leapt.

The line went taut as he was still flying, and the others strained to keep hold of it.

One of the connections broke.

The line slid towards the edge, threating to disappear forever and strand them on the cliff. Ashley dove and managed to get a grip on the rope. She slid to a stop just inches from the edge.

She heaved a sigh of relief and looked back at the others. "So which one of you is gonna pull—"

The cliff face supporting her torso fell away, leaving her to stare down two-hundred feet to the rushing water below. She slowly started to slide forward, gravity taking a hold. Shepard's heart jumped into his throat at the sight of her slipping over the edge. His body acted on its own, diving to grab a hold of Ashley's legs.

"Pull me up, pull me up, pullmeup!" she screamed. It took all his strength, but Shepard finally managed to pull her back up.

"Hey Vakarian, you in there?" James called out once he made sure Ash was safe. "Vakarian!"

There was a tug on the rope before Garrus' voice answered. "I'm ok!"

The group on the cliff laughed—that sort of manic laugh from people on the edge of death. After a few more deep breaths, they re-secured their end of the line, so they could cross the gap.

Ashley decided to cross first. Shepard was perfectly fine with that. The line was at its safest, and she was almost certain to get across without incident. If any of them could survive, he wanted it to be her.

"Your turn, Loco," James said once Ash was across.

"You sure, James?"

"C'mon, I'm just a jarhead. We need you to survive, Loco. You're all that's keeping us together. I'll be right behind ya."

Their eyes locked, and Shepard just nodded. He was a little worried by James' words, though. The others were putting so much faith in him—faith that he didn't quite share. He'd already lost three friends.

He took it slow on the rope, not wanting to break it and strand James on the cliff. He never once looked down. It felt like an eternity before he reached the trees, but it couldn't have been more than thirty seconds. Once he found a safe branch to wait on, he called back to James.

The big soldier took his time getting on the rope. It almost looked like he was afraid to. Once he was finally on, he took his sweet time actually moving.

Time seemed to stop as a snapping sound reached Shepard's ears. For a split second, James was suspended in mid-air as the rope behind him fell away. Time snapped back, and the marine began falling, the rope swinging him towards the trees.

"James!" Shepard called out right as a sickening crunch shook the tree. He could hear branches break as James plummeted to the ground. A final thud indicated that he had stopped falling.

As James lied on the ground, he blearily opened his eyes. A very familiar face came into view.

"Hey Lola," he muttered, looking up into his old love's eyes. She leaned over him, and her hair brushed his face.

"I love you, Jimmy," she whispered in his mind.

Glancing down through the branches, Shepard could see the varren surrounding James' body.

"They're killing him!" Garrus said, trying to navigate down the tree. "We've gotta get down there!"

_I'm not going fast enough! God damn it, I'm not going fast enough!_ The varren started dragging his body away while Shepard was still half way up the tree.

"They took him…" Ash said, staring down at the blood-soaked snow through her cracked visor.

_I'm not fast enough…_he thought, dropping to the ground and staring after the varren. Another branch snapped, and he quickly looked back to see Garrus fall from the tree. There was a sickening crunch, and the turian grunted in pain.

Looking back at the ground, Shepard noticed James' dog tags lying in the snow. He picked them up and silently put them with the others.

He turned back to help Garrus, who was on the ground, clutching his knee. Shepard and Ash tried to help him up, but he waved them off. He winced as he got to his feet, but that was the only sign he showed that something wasn't right.

All around them, the growls and yelps of varren filled the air. Garrus, Ash, and Shepard looked out into the forest, occasionally catching a glimpse of one of the creatures streaking past.

"We need to get out of here," Shepard said. He sent a questioning look at Garrus, and his friend just nodded. Shepard trusted his judgment, but he'd still keep an eye on him.

And so they walked on, following the river whenever possible. All hope they had gained from finding the river left when James was dragged away. Silence once again took over. At one point, Garrus started to fall behind, so Shepard and Ash slowed their pace to match his. Nothing was said; everyone understood.

Hours passed. The group once again found themselves walking along the river. Garrus was lagging behind again despite the slower pace. At one point, he stopped and stared at the ground.

"Forget it," he said, causing Shepard and Ash to stop and look at him. "Whatever I had in the tank I used back there. I'm beat." He slowly slid the pack off his back, revealing a large gash across his back from the omega-varren attack, and sat on a log next to the river.

"Garrus, don't sit down," Shepard said. "Don't sit down."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't want to argue, Shepard. I just want to rest." He couldn't meet Shepard's eyes. Instead, he looked out at the river and the mountain beyond it. "I just had the clearest thought." He finally looked up into his best friend's eyes. "I'm done." He looked over at Ash. "I'm done."

"C'mon, Garrus. Up," Ash said. "There could be a camp right around the bend there."

"That's a mile at least, Ash. I can't walk that. I can't walk fifty feet." He took a deep breath. "I'm done." With great care, he took off his dog tags, looking at them one last time before throwing them to Shepard.

"You're kidding me, right?" she asked, giving him a dumbfounded look.

"You know, I really thought we had a shot," Garrus said, ignoring Ashly's question. He looked back at Shepard, and the commander saw fear in his best friend's eyes. "Does it slide over you? You told Cortez back in the shuttle that it slides over you. Death… That it was warm. That true?"

"Yeah…yeah it does," Shepard said. He didn't see the point in trying to talk Garrus out of this. His mind was made up.

"We carry him," Ash said, walking up in between them. "We put a litter together and slide him down the banks."

"I'm not going anywhere, Ash," he said. "I don't want to. I don't need to." He turned to face the incredible mountain view and sat there staring out at the landscape.

Ashley walked over to stand in front of him, forcing eye contact.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Garrus? Is that it? You're just gonna sit there? Is that what you want? After what we've survived?"

He gave her a sad smile. "That's exactly what I want." Garrus pointed towards the mountains. "Turn around and look at that." Ashley quickly looked over her shoulder and back at Garrus. "I feel like that's all for me. How do I beat that? When would it ever be better? I can't explain it, Ash. I don't have the words."

If turians could cry, Shepard was almost certain that Garrus would be. His eyes held so much pain and loss, but as he looked out over the beautiful vista before him, he seemed strangely at peace. After a long moment, he looked back at Shepard.

"Remember what I told you back on Earth, Shepard?" he asked.

Shepard nodded, trying to blink the tears forming in his eyes. "You better have a drink waiting for me, Garrus."

"I know we said no Shepard without Vakarian, but you're gonna have to go it solo for a while." He looked over at Ash, who was trying to keep a strong façade. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. You know how he gets."

"Garrus, you don't have to do this…" Ash said. "We can—"

"Ashley…it's ok. It'll be ok. It was an honor to serve with you."

She saluted and closed her eyes to stop the tears. "The honor was mine, Garrus.

_Death closes all; but something ere the end,_

_Some work of noble note, may yet be done,_

_Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods._"

She walked off, unable to look at him anymore. Shepard went over and kneeled next to him. Anything he wanted say just didn't feel like enough. What could he say to his best friend in this situation? Instead, he pulled him into a hug, trying to convey with gesture what he couldn't with words.

"Shep—John…forgive the insubordination, but this old friend has an order for you: Survive. I'll be looking down, and I'll always have your back."

Shepard walked away. He just…couldn't. He couldn't drag this out any longer without trying to stop his friend.

Back at the river bank, Garrus sat on his log, enjoying the beautiful vista before him. He had come so far from the idealistic C-Sec detective he was five years ago. Five years… Had it only been that long since he met Shepard? It was funny: Garrus could hardly imagine his life without his best friend. And yet here he was, about to die without him.

If he were a human, he'd probably be crying right now. This wasn't how he wanted to die…

A branch snapped behind him.

He closed his eyes and took one last shaky breath.

Shepard and Ashley never knew what really happened to their best friend on that log by the river. Neither of them ever wanted to.

Instead, they kept following the river, hoping and praying that they would find rescue soon. They walked in silence: Shepard breaking the trail and letting Ash follow.

"Can I ask you something, John?" Ash said at one point, taking off her helmet to look him full in the face.

"Of course, Ash."

"Do you ever think about Eden Prime?"

Eden Prime…the place where it all began—in more ways than one.

"I—"

Varren broke out of the trees, yelping and snarling as they charged at the pair.

"Run!" Shepard yelled, doing just that.

They ran along the river bank, and the varren kept pace with them about ten feet inland. At one point, Shepard tripped, but Ash quickly helped him back up. The varren slowly drew nearer, forcing the pair to run even closer to the frigid waters. One of them charged directly at Ash. She had no choice.

She dove into the water.

"Ashley!"

Shepard's heart froze colder than the water that Ash was now being swept away by. He ran faster, pushing his body to the limit, trying to catch up to her.

_I'm not fast enough… I'm never fast enough!_

Out of desperation, he jumped in after her. The water was frigid enough to feel through his armor. He couldn't keep his orientation straight through all the turbulence. Occasionally, he'd catch glimpses of Ash ahead of him as he tumbled and spun about.

A tree had fallen across the river, and Shepard suddenly found himself stationary, braced against the wood. Ash's arms rose out of the water, frantically pounding against the log. He grabbed under her arms and tried to pull her out of the water. She didn't budge.

_Damn it, she's stuck!_

He tried pushing the log out of the way. It refused to move. He tried pulling her free again. Still nothing. All the while, he heard her muffled screams from underwater. Bubbles rose to the surface with every terrified yell.

"Ashley! What are you doing?! Hold your breath!" Shepard took off his own helmet and inhaled deeply. He thrust his face into the water and put his mouth on hers, giving her the air from his lungs. When he pulled his head out of the water, she screamed again.

"Damn it, Ash, hold your breath!" He tried again. She couldn't stop screaming. Her arms reached back, desperately trying to grab a hold of him. He tried pulling her free again. She went limp in his arms.

"Jesus, please don't do this to me…" he muttered, using all the strength he had for one last pull. It was no use. He let her arms go, letting them fall back into the water.

All the noise around him died, and the silence nearly deafened him. _She's gone. They're all gone. They trusted me, and look what that got them. He couldn't save Cortez, he couldn't save Liara, he couldn't save Tali, or James, or Garrus…or Ashley. He wasn't fast enough. He was never fast enough. He had never been fast enough. Not on Mindoir, not on Akuze, or Virmire, or Tuchanka, or Earth. Why did he think this would be any different?_

He numbly grabbed her dog tags and put them on next to his own. It took every ounce of effort for him to walk out of the water. When he finally did, he slumped down on the ground and sat against a rock, just staring at the sky.

"Do something…" he muttered after a while, still looking up. "Do something. You phony, fake, fraudulent _motherfucker._ Do something! Come on! Prove it! _Fuck_ faith; earn it!" He was shaking now. His voice started to quiver. "Show me something real. I need it now. Not later. Now. Show me, and I'll believe in you till the day I die… I swear. I'm calling on you. I'm calling on you!"

He didn't know what he was expecting to happen. A voice booming from the heavens? A shuttle come to save him? Anything was preferable to the silence. His head fell back to rest on the rock as he realized the truth. No one was coming. Nothing was on its way to rescue him. He was alone.

"Fuck it…I'll do it myself," he whispered. "I'll do it myself."

He got up and started walking again. Shepard had no idea where he was going or why he was still trying. But part of him wasn't about to give up. He needed to survive…for them. They kept him going, even when he had nowhere to go.

He felt exhausted. Never before had such a feeling penetrated every fiber of his being. He walked for hours, alone and unsure. Every step was an agony. He could barely lift his feet enough to keep moving.

He came to a clearing in the woods, and his legs simply stopped. They refused to move another foot. He fell to his knees, feeling completely and utterly defeated and alone. Shepard reached into his armor pouch and took out the dog tags he had collected.

_Cortez…_ Shepard hadn't known what to think of his shuttle pilot when they first met two years ago. The man eventually proved to be an amazing pilot and an even better person.

_Liara…_ They had come so far together. He couldn't believe it had been over five years since he saved her back on Therum. Since then, she had always been a friend and someone to confide in.

_Tali…_ She had been so young when they first met—not even a full adult. She had stuck with him, even when he was with Cerberus. She was one of his best friends.

_James…_ The marine had certainly proven himself in the time Shepard knew him. Anyone who completed N7 training deserved respect, and James had earned so much more than that.

_Garrus…_ Shepard could barely think about his best friend. The tears came suddenly and refused to stop. No Shepard without Vakarian…it made him feel like half a person.

_Ashley…_ The thoughts refused to come. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He never got to tell her one last time.

One by one, he put the dog tags around his neck, feeling the pride he had felt when they were still alive. His crew…still here. Still with him.

He looked around the clearing through teary eyes and noticed something wrong. Bones littered the ground. Off to the side, a varren walked into view. From the other side came three more. All around him, varren appeared, snarling and yelping. Directly ahead, a lone varren stood on a small ridge. This one was easily twice the size of the others. The alpha…

"The den…" Shepard muttered, finally realizing the truth. "It's their fucking den."

The alpha began making its way down the ridge. Shepard made his choice. _This isn't how I thought I'd go, but now it's the only way I want to._

He emptied out his pack, looking for anything that he could use as a weapon. He found some tape, a few empty glass vials, and a small survival knife. He put the vials in between the fingers of his left hand and wrapped his hand in tape to keep them in place. He did the same thing with the knife in his right hand. Finally, he broke the vials on a rock, giving him the equivalent of spiked knuckles made of glass.

A poem from long ago drifted into his mind. His father had written it all those years ago. Only now did John Shepard understand it.

_Once more into the fray…_

_Into the last good fight I'll ever know._

_Live and die on this day…_

_Live and die on this day…_

He stared into the alpha's eyes, and the beast stared right back.

They charged.


End file.
